Stories to be Heard

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Yesterday was my 23rd wedding anniversary, and I happen to be lucky because it lands on the anniversary of the eruption of America’s most active volcano, Mt. St. Helens. It has been 33 years since her last major eruption, but that hasn’t put her out of everyone’s minds. The front page article of our local newspaper told of scientists around the world coming to our mountain for study among recollections of that dreadful day. The natives have a different interest in her, and yesterday I was hoping to hear her story from that point of view. When I was eight years old and a year before the mountain blew, I went on a field trip to the Lelooska Cultural Center where Chief Lelooska told the story of the “Loowitlatkla (Lady of Fire),” or Mt. St. Helens. He described her as a beautiful maiden with two brothers fighting over. When the chief became angry he turned all three of them into mountains. The brothers became Mt. Adams and Mt. Hood. Chief Lelooska explained that Mt. St. Helens does not sleep, nor can she rest because of the way she was transformed into the mountain.

30 plus years later, I wish to hear that story told orally again and hoped that heading once again up to the Lelooska Cultural Center for a night of mask transformation and story telling would include this legend. The timing of their opening night on May 18th had special significance to me.

Even though Chief Lelooska passed away several years ago, his brother Chief Tsungani continues to tell the stories that are his family’s to tell. The ceremony involves music, dance, story telling with the special masks central to each story. Potlatches in the Northwest were outlawed by the Canadian and American governments and illegal until the 1950s. Masks were confiscated and I assume some of the rich oral stories were lost. Missionaries expressed concern over what to them seemed to be evil (what Chief Tsungani attributed to a sleight of hand for purposes of telling stories). For example, a fire that starts at the coaxing of a shaman’s dance/song/prayer was seen as the work of the devil.

Last night, the chief did not tell the story of Loowit (the Little Smoking Mountain), but I felt that I understood the possible reasoning why. Perhaps it was not his to tell. I will continue to search for this story, and maybe that means that I will need to attend more potlatches in the Northwest area. I understand why the stories are guarded, but I feel that there must be a personal significance because from a young age I lived in the mountain’s backyard and have felt her rumblings. I long to hear her story-her story told by people who understood the earth as sacred-even alive with stories to tell.

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Click on the links to watch a couple of short documentaries about the more recent return of the potlatch:   Potlatch 1 & Potlatch 2 

Blooming

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April’s Artist’s Dates & Walks were overshadowed by my preoccupation with reading deprivation. By the end of the month I was so thrown off that I believe that I really got back in touch with part of my younger Michelle. I felt a sense of renewal for physical vitality. I wanted to feel pretty again-to feel young again. I wondered if this is what a midlife crisis feels like. In the end, I felt grateful to have the opportunity to go on a trip to Florida with my husband. The calling sun becomes quite the temptation after a long northwest winter/spring.

Being a Facebook page owner has put me in touch with some great people. One afternoon (a couple of months ago) Laurel from Illuminating Souls offered free “angel readings.” I had never done these before, so it intrigued & brought me to tears to read the different page owners’ readings that day. It was such a sweet experience to feel that each person’s reading was so special and unique to them. Each reading also captured their best self–their potential. I decided this month, for my first Artist’s Date, to have a private reading. With little information about me, she was right on with my feelings and aligned with the direction that I have been drawn towards. She helped me to see that I have been leery of femininity, yet comfortable with the masculine. She recommended a couple of books for me to read including Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes which have turned out to be just what I’ve been needing (I can’t even begin to say how difficult it was for me to hold off picking them up until the new month). Laurel also taped the reading, so I was able to listen to it again later. In the end, I had two pages of notes and great new information for my journey ahead.

Two dates were spent with self-care activities like shopping, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, & a mani/pedi time. I am learning more and more that my artist needs to be pampered and to feel well and nurtured.

I went back near the mountain for my final date. The town that you go through to go up to Mt. St. Helens is Woodland. This little town has more going on than what one would expect. My favorite time of year there is spring because they have both the Tulip Festival and the Lilac Gardens in full bloom. I learned about these events back when I completed the Artist’s Way my first time in 2008 and have been attending whenever possible ever since. Woodland still has the small town feel, yet understands the value of hospitality.

My first stop was to the Tulip Festival. It was a little crowded for my style, but I went with it and took pictures with other people in them as well as the flowers. I enjoyed watching many ladies tromping through the flowers with their umbrellas up protecting them from the drizzle. I smiled to see many with cameras and many others with arms full of tulips.

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Before heading home, I took a walk around the old town area, and I found Old Town Grill, a “new to me” restaurant to try out. My first impression of the place was that it was too dark inside. Most of the patrons were sitting on the other side of the establishment (in the bar) watching sports, and it definitely had the old bar feel to it (the kind that the lights are kept dim because the decor hasn’t been updated since the early 80s).  I’ve learned long ago not to judge a restaurant by its appearance, but in this instance it put me off because when I went to read the history trivia on the other side of the menu, there was a dingy build-up that was hard to ignore. Hand washing before eating helped restore my interest in eating.

The friendly waitress was also the bar tender which kept her occupied for a while before she could take my order; however, I didn’t mind having a little extra time to explore the historic pictures lining the walls of the restaurant of the trees, loggers, and settlers of the area. I felt an immediate connection with the past and got my next lead to go to the museum a couple of blocks away.

My sandwich was pretty good, but the fries were delicious. The grilled sandwich had freshly baked turkey breast, but a processed type of cheese melted over it that I did not particularly like. I would eat there again, but would probably try their club instead because so much of their food had a home made feel to it.

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Next, I headed over to the museum. I found pictures of logs that were basically the size of the log trucks that carried them. I wondered where this old growth timber had come from. The ladies that staffed this small, two room museum were pretty knowledgable and very attentive. I learned that farming & the dairies were an important part of early Woodland. Going away, I felt that I got a good idea of its history and people.

A couple weeks later, I came back to Hulda Klager’s Lilac Garden the last weekend of their season. I did bring my daughter along (I know, it did not technically count as an official Artist’s Date, but I still wanted to include it) which turned out to be a good move since I fell in love with yet another lilac variety.

Gentle remembrances of the beauty of the bloom manifested all month long. The cycles of life may be arguably at their prettiest during the spring season. A longing of earlier times in life may surprise us, but shouldn’t be avoided because so many lessons may be felt.

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Doing My Art is Integrity

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April’s chapter in my Artist’s Way group is Recovering a Sense of Integrity. These chapters are meant to be gone through in a week, but in our group we are taking a month to focus on them and complete their exercises. I must say that I am loving the heck out of this! Each time that I completed the Artist’s Way course, I did it in 12 weeks as it is designed, but feel like I needed to keep going back because it is hard for me to really make a life change in such a short amount of time. I have been super enthusiastic about each chapter until I realized the implications of April’s. 

One of the exercises that she has you do for the chapter is called “reading deprivation.” This means that you are not to read AT ALL for the entire week. I can’t even begin to tell you the resistance that I experienced while even contemplating what this kind of a commitment could mean for an entire month! That is when I had to get to the spirit of her challenge. 

She asserts that artists are very often reading addicts. She warns to be careful when depriving oneself of reading not to fill in that time with TV, movies, internet, gossipy conversations, etc. When reading is gone we truly are left with ourself. Our mind. Our boredom. 

So, for April, i have committed that my reading deprivation will include cutting out the reading that I do for distraction, for learning, and for pleasure. The first week that I did this I felt as though I was coming out of my skin. My dreams were more vivid. My emotions surfaced. I felt uncomfortable. This all turned me to my art. I longed to get busy. That first week I had more fun thinking about what I would create. Reading deprivation, though painful is actually a gift–one that I may use more often. Now that I realize how powerful this tool is, I commit to having integrity in my own dreams to develop my art with the time that I truly have available because this is what I found. I have more time than I previously was aware of. 

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This journaling piece was inspired by, Mt. St. Helens, the mountain in my back yard. She reminds me of the magic of the earth’s secrets. The legends tell us that she has witnessed communities before our own. She is a presence that grounds us and shelters the remaining wild. It is as if she even knows our deepest secrets and longings. 

Lyrics from Oh Land’s The Wolf & I. 

Whispers from the Past

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MARCH: Artist’s Dates & Walks

March started out a struggle for me to get out on my Artist’s Dates (AD) and Artist’s Walks (AW). I had a very hard time sticking with the rules for the first couple of weeks and one week even took my husband with me. Though it was nice having time with him, I really wasn’t at ease to go at my normal snail’s pace. AWs have become a time for exploration and noticing details…. ADs about connecting with the people past and present.

My husband had been telling me that I would want to see the Oregon City Falls, so when our daughters were in a Saturday jazz competition at the college there, I asked him if he wanted to go as well. We stopped to walk along the sidewalk above the river and took pictures of the water below. I took the opportunity to grill him with questions about the mills on the riverbank and the industry there. He said that as far as he knew they are a big producer of toilet paper.

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Next we went to their museum. I tried not to get caught up in the worry about him getting bored, but that was a challenge for me. Museums are great because you see what the people of the area valued enough to preserve. They had a wonderful section of Native American artifacts and information. Another favorite was reading about notable, Ralph Eddy, photographer to their area, and I saw first hand how he was able to preserve their history through his beautiful work. His cameras were saved spanning his 50 plus year career right there in the museum. I did get some pictures of my own and made the decision that there was a lot more to Oregon City that I need to explore in the future.

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Museum of the Oregon Territory

For my next notable AD, I went to a little city called Kalama in southwest Washington. I had been antique hunting several times before a couple years back and brought home many finds. This time I also learned that the high school in their town was the high school used in the Twighlight films. Even with this attention, the town remains relatively unchanged since the last time I was there seven plus years ago. I did eat in the little deli (the only restaurant in the antique mall), and had the most delicious sandwich made on home made bread. I bought fresh cookies for my family as well. I walked through many of the antique shops and one of my favorite shops was a mix of the old and the new. They had new things that looked like old things. This particular shop also had a big section just devoted to Native American finds. I saw a rattle that was carved out of wood for $200. I had no way of knowing if it was actually authentic, but I got to thinking that antique stores in a way are little museums for people who want to take things from the past home with them. I found a bunch of cool things, but bought a Ladies’ Home Journal from 1910 that I planned on using in my mixed media journaling artwork.  Image

For my AW, I asked about local parks or walking trails and was directed to their park, but didn’t make it to the location that I wanted to. I later read that their park has the world’s talest standing Native American totem pole that Chief Lelooska carved for the World’s Fair in 1962. He did not finish in time, but these were made from wood and still are beautiful today. The park that I did make it to was very small, but I went up on the hill for a great view of the river. Like many of the towns that I have visited, timber is the most visible industry. Factories and piles of tree trunks lined the river as well as a rail line. Driving under the freeway underpass also had clues of the past with a mural of Native Americans, white settlers, and a ship, but I did not find the written history of Native Americans living there before the settlers.

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Since I can remember, I have had a strong connection with Mt. St. Helens (the little active volcano in my back yard). I was only 9 years old when she erupted. At the time we lived pretty close to the south side of the mountain so we felt the earthquakes pretty strongly leading up to the eruption and experienced the blackout from the ash from the eruption itself. Maybe the year before that I met Chief Lelooska (a school field trip that I would never forget). He told many stories, but the one that I remembered was of Mt. St. Helens.

As the spring came on this year, I felt a strong draw to the mountain. I know that the observatory is still closed, so for my last AD in March, I took my own approach from the area that I know I love on the south side of the mountain. I planned on going up to Speelyai Bay. I drove through Woodland set my odometer to zero. I needed to stay on the highway for 14 miles to find the bay. As I drove past Merwin Dam, the roads got narrower and windy, but I could see the gorgeous water below. At 15 miles, I knew that I passed the bay, but honestly had no clue which road to follow to get there. I passed three to four huge log trucks in route. I was pretty stressed at the point when a deer made its way into the road in front of my car. I slowed hoping that the animal didn’t double back and hit my car (deer are funny that way sometimes.. they run up the bank and come back into the road causing an accident). Making it safely back to Merwin Dam, I decided to stop at the Lelooska Lodge to check for upcoming events. I then went down to the lake with my journal and camera. After my walk, I spent the rest of my time there pondering the presence of the mountain. The park was almost deserted, but it was a gorgeous sunny day. The wind had a low howl that was a little spooky, and being alone up there felt exciting and also a little unnerving. It was a spiritual experience as well though. I closed my eyes and felt the stillness of what it is like to be close to the wilderness. I feel like this is an experience that I long for. I imagined what it would have been like to live off of the land. The park’s education board said that the early people who lived in the valley below hunted deer and ate berries.

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On my way back through Woodland, I made one more stop at an antique store that was in an old house which gave it a charming feel. Again this store had some other trinkets that they were selling along with the older antique items. My favorite area was with the baby dolls with what my daughters would call creepy because of their eyes.  Image

Speranza Antiques, Decor and Everlastings

My longing for connection with the earth only gets stronger as I explore the different sites around my community–one that I find difficult to express in words. I want to learn more about the native people who lived in this area before the European settlers came. I also want to feel the spirit of the land.. there is a connection there that I need to discover for myself. My ADs are bringing me closer to this realization and inner desire. It is something that I accept about myself, but I also discount to a certain extent. How many of us feel these intuitive pulls, but aren’t sure where they lead us?

Open to Receive

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The Artist’s Way, Chapter 3: Recovering a Sense of Power

I am in an Artist Way group that is taking a chapter a month in the book. I find it so interesting to go through it at this pace because I have really slowed down to examined more closely the practical application of the material in my life. I loved going through the book in 12 weeks because it is its own type of emersion experience, but this way slowing it down, I have been able to read the chapter a couple of different times and really hone in on the lessons to be learned.

Chapter 3 is crucial in the process because it deals with anger and learning how to take back your sense of personal responsibility in your creative life. AND since we know that we are creative in EVERY aspect of our life, it is fundamental to making the life that you desire. The first couple months of Morning Pages can seem rather petty since you are becoming aware of the negative thoughts that you may be having on a regular basis. By slowing this process down, I remained in what I felt to be petty a good share of the time. I always used the end of the pages to write affirmations because I wanted to end my journaling on a positive note, but until I got to this chapter, I hadn’t really looked closely at where I was just handing over my personal power.

I am always struck by the crazymaker section in chapter 2 (people in your life that bring drama and distract you from your craft), and I believe chapter 3 gives the antidote for this issue. The four main topics are anger, synchronicity, shame, and growth. When you realize that the crazymakers are truly a distraction that you use to avoid your own vulnerability (practicing your craft authentically/knowing & expressing yourself deeply), you can realize it is you who you’re really angry with, can be open to God’s goodness and abundant giving in your life through synchronicity, release shame and live in a space free of it, and be gentle with yourself as you go through the growing and shrinking of your own creativity.

I had a major breakthrough this month with my more difficult relationships. I learned that God’s love is unlimited. I had misunderstood the source of my love for others to be coming from me. When we realize that love is coming from the same source of energy (God), it is possible to learn to tap into that unlimited source in every personal interaction. I think that in my own mind I felt that I could be used up and sucked dry. This is not a good space to live in. You end up feeling like people are there to take from you. It is a reason many people shut down who are more giving and loving by nature–they don’t feel that their need for a source of love is being filled and withdraw-the most extreme case in their social life. I learned that when you have people who seek a love source in you, you can simply tap into God’s love energy at that moment and since it was never really yours… you have lost nothing, but gained something very special. You are energized and both go away feeling uplifted and happy. People are more able to share their love with you as well. It’s amazing how much happier and energetic I have become.

I believe this is a lesson connected with many of God’s gifts and blessings. We must get out of the way and realize that we are really a receptacle. It is our own selfishness and ego that causes us to stumble and withdraw from the creativity source.. the love source. Our main job is to be open to the incredible power of love and creativity in our life–to be open and ready to receive.

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